In the first part of ‚Seeing Well‘, we pointed out that seeing can be much more than just a physiological process: it’s a learning process. If someone has never learned to interpret distances and proportions, they will perceive a distorted world even with healthy eyes – and if someone has never learned to question their own thought patterns, they will probably also have a skewed view of the world. Our conclusion was that we are less at the mercy of our surroundings than we think: we are not victims of reality, but rather co-creators – at least when it comes to how we perceive and evaluate our reality!
But doesn’t ’seeing well‘ just mean sugarcoating things? Sometimes a colleague really is rude, and sometimes a situation actually does seem unfair. In this part 2, we focus exactly on this question: how can ’seeing well‘ be reconciled with ’seeing things as they really are‘?
Our perspective on things is the key to our peace of mind
We often assume that the source of our worries lies outside ourselves — the boss who seems to ‚out to get us‘, mishaps that keep piling up. When we think this way, any attempt to calm down or “look on the bright side” becomes nothing more than a temporary fix. It may ease the discomfort, but doesn’t address the underlying cause. One approach that can make things easier for us—and that is within our control—is to work on how we perceive and interpret unpleasant events.
For example: A colleague treats me rudely. The first time this happens, I am hurt by the behavior. If it happens a second or third time, I may develop an aversion towards this person and continue to harbor that hurt inside me—and every subsequent encounter will likely be strained from the outset. Taking a step back, however, I realize I am dealing with a person I barely know and whom I immediately assume has negative motives. My reaction— feeling insulted and the pain, resentment, and anger this causes—is entirely determined by the filter through which I interpret the situation: by my prejudices, by the personality traits I instinctively attribute to them, and by my fears and expectations. It is precisely this filter, which colors the entire situation, and which we can address.
What does ‚seeing well‘ mean?
“Seeing well” is first and foremost a process of working on ourselves, on our own thoughts. At its core, it simply means seeing things in a positive light. Adopting a positive outlook means actively trying to focus on the positive and useful aspects of things. Those who practice “seeing well” view a half-filled glass as half-full rather than half-empty. This constructive approach can prevent situations that, if left unchecked, could be very destructive (towards ourselves or others).
An example from Chapter 2.8[1] of the book on which this series of articles is based shows that evidence of this can be found even in the smallest of things. F. Recounts:
It’s four o’clock and time for my break; I head for a coffee from the vending machine. I insert my euro, but the machine swallows my money and doesn’t give me my coffee. I push the return button several times to no avail. I try hitting the machine to jar it, but nothing happens. I have been cheated out of a euro. For once, however, instead of getting worked up, swearing, hitting the machine all the harder, and letting myself be overtaken by feelings of frustration and humiliation, I calmly ask myself: What have I really lost? No more that what I would have given the machine in exchange for my coffee. The only thing I have lost is the coffee itself, for which I intended to spend this euro. True, drinking a beverage just the might have helped pass the time. On the other hand, I didn’t really want a vending machine coffee as much as all that. It tastes mediocre anyway, and it’s better left aside so I can drink the good stuff. After some thought, I decide that I’m better off this way. I already drank coffee in the morning and had another after lunch. Drinking still more would have been overdoing it and bad for my health. For the modest sum of one euro, I have just been spared extra caffeine and nervous stimulation. I take it as a sign not to go overboard and drink coffee impulsively just because it happens to be break time and my desk is near the vending machine. That’s that – almost feel glad about what has happened, and walk away smiling.
However, there may be times when the ‚glass truly is completely empty‘ and our difficulties become so overwhelming that, despite our best efforts, we cannot find anything positive in them. Does that mean we should pretend to see the good, turn a blind eye and create a fictional universe in which everything is ‚rosy‘ and full of smiles? On the contrary: Simply telling yourself that ‚everything is great‘ is only a temporary sedative because it doesn’t address the root of the problem. ‚Seeing the good‘ does not mean preventing yourself from seeing.
This virtue therefore encompasses two aspects:
- Seeing well – perceiving the inherent goodness in all things and adopting a benevolent and optimistic view of people, events and the situations we find ourselves in;
- Having an accurate perception —recognizing the truth of things, the actual qualities of the people we interact with, the nature of our expectations, and our rights and duties in each situation.
Seeing well and having an accurate perception – a contradiction?
One could say that accurate perception is a prerequisite for “seeing well.” By practicing how to gain an objective and neutral view of things—one free of prejudice and entrenched opinions—we equip ourselves with the tools we need to reassess a situation. We can only recognize the positive aspects of a situation once we weigh its actual pros and cons and uncover the true intentions of the people involved—without deluding ourselves or becoming fixated on one side of the issue.
Let’s take the loss of a job as an example. Only when we fully understand what a job involves can we realize that not being hired or being fired isn’t that dramatic, and that it can even be a fortunate turn of events. The reverse is also true: those who focus on the positive gain a clearer, more balanced perspective. Those who recognise that there is something positive about having to look for a new job are prompted to reflect on the merits of their previous position, their own abilities and how they want to lead their lives. An apparent loss can thus prove to be a source of enrichment—for example, by developing greater empathy for the frustrations of others.
Here’s an example to illustrate this: Mr. K. loses his job after twelve years because his department is being dissolved. His first reaction is outrage—he feels he’s been wronged; everything was going well, and now it’s all been ruined. However, if he makes an effort to look for the positive aspects as well, not only does his mood change, but so does his view of the past: He realizes that he had long since come to see the two-hour daily commute as a burden, that he hadn’t developed professionally in years, and that he had repeatedly put off the topic that truly interested him. So focusing on the positive didn’t delude him—on the contrary, it gave him a clearer view of his old job, much more than his outrage ever would have allowed. And incidentally, he now better understands how his colleagues felt, whose complaints he used to ignore.
Seeing well is therefore both a prerequisite and a complement to accurate perception. They are not opposites, but rather two aspects of the same process.
The objection: What about the really difficult trials?
In trivial situations—like the coffee machine swallowing a euro coin —this attitude seems easy; but even there, experience shows that it isn’t always so. In extreme situations, such as the loss of a loved one or the birth of a child with a disability, the question takes on an entirely different dimension. “Seeing well” can seem here like a heroic, unattainable, even almost pathological attitude that borders on indifference. Consider the stoic sage who consoles himself over the death of a parent by saying that this is simply the way of the world—an attitude found in Malherbe[2] as well as in Roudaki[3], who asks whether anyone has ever observed tears bringing back what has been lost.
Such perspectives can lead to rigid fatalism, but only when viewed in the abstract. In the human dimension, however, suffering always has meaning — it is an opportunity to rise above oneself. Anyone who has experienced similar trials and emerged unscathed can attest to this.
Take, for example, the man in the book who admits that the birth of his autistic child with an intellectual disability paradoxically had a positive side to it. He is a brilliant scientist who, until then, had attached importance only to intellectual values and tended to look down on people without a college education, but who now says: “Since I had to take the time to raise this child and deal with his disability, I’ve come to understand that there are other things in life besides culture and intelligence; I’ve learned to be more human. […] Through this child, I have learned to be tender, to devote my time to others without expecting anything in return.” What he adds in the same breath is crucial: “It was very hard; I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.” The birth of this child was thus not romanticized as a happy event—but it was recognized that this trial was full of lessons.
No blind optimism
“Seeing well” does not, therefore, mean succumbing to blind optimism along the lines of “Everything is just great in the best of all possible worlds,” nor does it mean accepting everything from the outset. In some cases, however, it is the only reasonable and viable attitude: the only way to avoid making the problem even worse through one’s own thoughts and to avoid being internally overwhelmed by a sense of injustice and rebellion—a feeling that, deep down, is clearly not constructive in any way.
Changing one’s perspective takes time. It’s not about convincing yourself, in the moment of greatest suffering, that it’s „for your own good“—let alone saying that to someone who has just experienced a bereavement. Ultimately, the pragmatic question remains: Is it worth it to exacerbate one’s own suffering by constantly ruminating on it to the point of destroying the happiness of those around you, or would it be better to try to create something positive from it? The answer seems obvious.
Just think of people who, after an accident, face the prospect of living the rest of their lives with a disability. One person constantly struggles with his fate, becomes bitter, and withdraws into himself. The other decides to move forward and takes his situation as a challenge to overcome. We know immediately which of the two deserves our admiration—and it is precisely this attitude that can be practiced even in everyday situations.
Preview of our next article
How do you go about “seeing well” when you’re currently “seeing poorly”? Pessimists aren’t necessarily aware of their condition—and everything that happens seems to confirm their assumptions.
That’s why we will focus on “seeing clearly in action” in the next article.
Authors: The Ethica Rationalis Editorial Team
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[1] Shifting Perspectives from Olivier de Brivezac and Emmanuel Comte.
[2] François de Malherbe: Les Poésies. Lavaud, Paris 1999, Société des Textes Français Modernes.
[3] 10th-century Persian poet